Don't Worry... You Will Someday

I saw someone I've missed today. She had news --good news, for herself-- that filled my heart up; it felt like eating bread after days of chewing dust. And suddenly I realized that all this sadness that's welled in my chest the past few years is of no real consequence when compared to the enormity of the world, of my life. There's still so much life coming up.

When I was little I wanted a magic mirror that would show me as an adult; yet now that I'm in the beginning of adulthood I still feel like I'm little. I get the feeling this isn't going to change.

There will come a point at which all these puzzle pieces I've collected will become painfully obvious, and I'll be able to slide them right into place without hesitation. Instead of constantly waiting for that day to come, staring at the phone, at the door, at the city... I'll just continue collecting puzzle pieces.

It's the best I can do, right?

It made me think, as things often do, of a quote. Something Kevin Spacey's character says at the end of American Beauty:

"...And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."